Blame my friend Amy.
Amy is a corporate lawyer with a penchant for bad reality television. Years ago, I was at her place in Colorado for a weekend and a bunch of us crowded around her TV on Friday night to watch America's Next Top Model
(this was the Cycle 4
premiere; they're not called seasons in ANTM world). I had never seen the show before and was convinced it was going to be the most horrendous thing ever. Instead, I found it compulsively watchable and delightful chat fodder, quite a pleasant way to turn one's brain off for an hour. Since that fateful weekend, I've been hooked on Top Model. But what good is being hooked on a show if you can't share it?
Pop's own Melissa and I had been invited to a publisher's preview the morning after the premiere of Cycle 6
, so I said, "Let's do this: Come up and spend the night at my place, because I live close to NYC. We'll get Indian food
the night before and watch Top Model." Melissa, I think, was a little dubious. Top Model? Wasn't that just bad reality TV? But we know the ending to this story: She got hooked and we've been gossiping about it ever since.
Fast forward to February, 2008. Liz and I drove to Melissa's place to celebrate my birthday weekend, and Melissa and I came upon a marathon of Cycle 9 running on VH1. Liz sat on the couch with her laptop and her book but couldn't help but watch.
Another Top Model fan was born. And after, we all went out for Indian food.
We're now up to the seventh full ep of Cycle 10, and every Wednesday night Liz (supermodel name Zed, because we learned in Cycle 8
that having a standout supermodel name
is really important!), Melissa (supermodel name Issa) and I (supermodel name Leeslay) all chat while watching Top Model. Tonight, we're having Chinese (not Indian, sorry) and sharing our catty, ridiculous, completely fun chat with you.Melissa: okey-dokey
so, time for a Chinese food roll-call? :-)
8:02 PM Elizabeth: steamed dumplings, sesame chicken combo dinner
me: I've got sweet and sour chicken, and spareribs which are impossible to eat while typing
Elizabeth: enough for lunch and dinner tomorrow, whoo hoo
Melissa: Chicken with cashews, pork fried rice
me: I have white rice, too
Melissa: the place I go to gives you HUGE portions. I'll have enough for a couple of days.
Elizabeth: i considered spareribs but thought it would be a problem
yay for one meal = feedsmany
8:03 PM me: i just gotn the small portions
Elizabeth: sticks tongue out at carlie
me: : licks Liz
Melissa: my place only does one size. expensive, but huge
Elizabeth: its on
8:04 PM Elizabeth: wow, blondie does math
me: Whitney can do math!
me: Laruen wants to be on top
GO HOME, STACEY ANN
Melissa: oh, Dominique. [rolls eyes]
8:05 PM ooooh, travel drama!
me: Dominique needs to go home, too
They usually travel with six, though, not 7
Elizabeth has left
8:06 PM Melissa: yeah, so it'll probably be next week that they jet off to a glamorous foreign destination
me: Like...what's left? Tierra Del Fuego?
WHERE GO LIZ?
Melissa: awww, Zed gone.
me: Paulina is teh cool
8:07 PM Melissa: geez, Paulina's crazy skinny. but yes, teh cool
me: Paulina lesson #1: Don't act the fool. Talk to people.
Anya, you are too cute.
Melissa: I do like Anya
8:08 PM me: Oh, Lauren..
Invite liz back
Melissa: [headdesk] What not to do: what Dominique just did
Elizabeth has joined
me: Katarzyna, I heart you, but you are not a waitress!
Elizabeth: am i back?
8:09 PM me: FATIMA, TMI.
Melissa: OMG, YES
me: Dom, yapyapyap
8:10 PM Elizabeth: walking down the street...oops social situation!
me: Lesson 2: Brevity is the soul of wit...and lingerie modeling
Elizabeth: sitting on the toilet..oops... social situation
me: Liz, that happens to me every day
Elizabeth: when you least expect it....social situation
Elizabeth: someone is going to get cut
damn i knew it
Melissa: Oooh, this is Lauren chopping off her finger!
Elizabeth: her career as a hand model is over
me: latke drama!
8:11 PM Elizabeth: (and fatima knows pain)
Elizabeth: follow the rules, SVA. er i meant fatima
8:12 PM me: Gossip Girl commercial
ok, we're at commercial, I'm eating a sparerib
I got different commercials.
8:13 PM my Chinese place does these cool little cucumber things, as a palate cleanser, I guess.
8:14 PM Elizabeth: went downstairs to get dinner
me: STOP SHOWING ME GOSSIP GIRL TEASERS. I ONLY WANT SUPERNATURAL TEASERS.
Elizabeth: so who is cutting and pasting to pop?
8:15 PM me: Ok, the rest of these ribs are dinner tomorrow.
I am, Liz
Melissa: OMG, YES to SPN!
Elizabeth: make me smarter and thinner in the post!!!
Melissa: I just wanna be thinner.
8:16 PM Elizabeth: (silence as melissa waits for someone to say, 'cause you already are smarter'...)
me: Does this mean I'm still the ho?
but you're our ho, Carlie
8:17 PM Sounds Like Lauren will be ok
Tyra mail: YOU'VE ALL GOT SCURVY. LOVE, TYRA.
Elizabeth: i was hoping theyd have to make lemonade and market it
8:18 PM or find out how to take life's lemons and add vodka to them
Elizabeth: if she worked her ass off she wouldnt be a plus size model!
(thank you thank you)
me: after distilling the vodka themselves
Zed, that was terrible.
Melissa: oh, I have a bad feeling about this, with the dresses being in bags
8:19 PM Elizabeth: THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU KEEP TRACK OF YOUR VERY IMPORTANT TRAVEL DOCUMENT
me: The dresses ARE bags
Elizabeth: how many times will lauren trip
Melissa: you sip when Lauren trips, and chugs when anyone else does
me: What happens when Charlie says "algorithm?"
8:20 PM Melissa: Kat rockin' the dress
me: And Dom blows it!
Melissa: OMG, Dom blows it again!
me: LAUREN! YOU CAN'T SAY THAT ON TV.
8:21 PM Oh Whitney, I do love you.
Melissa: me, too. gotta love the Whit
Elizabeth: so are all the other girls us citizens?>
Elizabeth: yes the lawyer is now obsessed about documents
Melissa: look, it's Mr. Porizkova!
8:22 PM me: I didn't recognize him not dressed as a beatnik with a picture frame around his neck.
April! She's cool. My favorite from that cycle is still Shandi, though.
Melissa: Zed and I are still new-schoolers
me: Lauren is kind of killing it. Huh.
8:23 PM Fret not, grasshopper.
Melissa: hmm, so . . . Stacy-Ann is from Miami?
me: Stacey Ann, if books were marketed like you were, Barnes and Noble would go out of business.
Melissa: oh, don't show it again!
me: Once more, with feeling!
8:24 PM Melissa: yay, Anya!
oh, Whit, don't badmouth. Makes you look small
me: She can afford that.
8:25 PM Elizabeth: ball pit
me: Like American Gladiators, Zed...
Melissa: it is a good ad
Elizabeth: i want to be a supermodel
me: Oh hey, go Anya!
Melissa: oh, dude!!
me: I was supposed to be a supermodel. Both my parents are 5'9". Alas.
8:26 PM Melissa: have they ever out-and-out won money before, Carlie?
Elizabeth: poor carlie
me: Not that I know of, Issa.
Maybe Fatima and her collarbones will go home this ep.
Oh no. Saleisha
Melissa: okay, based on this editing, what's more likely: Fatima gets eliminated or she has to drop out 'cause of her legal issues?
me: Just when I thought her hair couldn't get any worse.
8:27 PM Elizabeth: notice how she isnt' shown saying more than 10 words in a shot?
Melissa: Dude, that hair has its own zip code
me: I'm suddenly ashamed of my CoverGirl lip gloss addiction.
Zed, unfortunately, she's no Orlando Bloom.
8:28 PM Okay, all, question for the halfway point of the show: To finish the sweet and sour chicken, or not to finish?
Melissa: oooh, you know what's good? L'oreal Color Juices Lipstick. It's a lot like Clinique's Almost Lipstick
I had a second helping of mine, but I still had a ton left over
Elizabeth: i'm off to go put mine away in the fridge brb
me: I'm going to do the same
and wash my hands!
8:29 PM turns out someone at the consulate watches ANTM
8:30 PM TYRA MAIL
ooooh, leaving right from judging?
me: Why do I think they're not really going abroad yet?
Elizabeth: what did i miss
8:31 PM Melissa: [snicker]
Elizabeth: wouldnt it be funny if the went to canada?
me: Tyra Mail that makes them think they're going abroad.
Melissa: or LA?
Elizabeth: puerto rico?
me: Hahaha Jay
8:32 PM Melissa: I like the wah-wah-waaaah sound effect
me: I knew it.
Speed photo shoot!
Melissa: dude, how did Jay not know this?
me: Could Fatima go first?
Elizabeth: no, you have a different case BECAUSE YOU CANNOT KEEP TRACK OF ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT DOCUMENTS YOU OWN
8:33 PM zed. jd.
me: I love Mr. Jay.
Elizabeth: double "boo" in that she hasn't kept people other than us in the loop
Melissa: and the ANTM producer
Elizabeth: why go to a plane if youdidnt have the document to go???
8:34 PM Melissa: is there any photographer on this show that hasn't shot Tyra?
me: Poor Lauren's thumb.
Elizabeth: he heh he...hide the thumb
me: could they paint the thumb thing the same color as the rest of her?
the wind's blowing . . . and they have a fan going?
me: Stacey Ann, try wearing RGP contact lenses for 12 years, then complain about wind
8:35 PM Whitney always poses with her mouth open.
Melissa: oooh, yeah, she does!
8:36 PM Melissa: okay, Fatima, stop celebrating and get back!
Elizabeth: pose without posing
he he remedial posing 101
me: Remedial posing 101!
Elizabeth: where is the airport?
Melissa: Oh, Mr. Jay > everyone
me: Well, there aren't many around NYC they could shoot at...
I figured they were at JFK
8:37 PM Elizabeth: what s the one jfkjfr felw out off? i thought that one
me: Oh my hell, that's PANEL
oooh, poor Fatima
8:38 PM NO. MORE. GOSSIP. GIRL. SUPERNATURAL.
Melissa: WE WANT HOT BOYS.
Elizabeth: essex county airport
me: : blinks Essex Co has an airport?
Melissa: Check out Liz's Librarian-Fu
8:39 PM Elizabeth: actually google fu, but thankyew
me: Did you both see the clip from next Thursday's SPN?
Elizabeth: not yhet
Melissa: yes. [giggles]
8:40 PM me: Oh, is this that Corelle commercial with the greased runway? Every time I see it I'm convinced Tyra's going to think, "Hey, what a great idea!"
Melissa: nope, different commerical, Carlie.
me: You gotta be FIERCE while you're falling on your arse
Oh. Bad me. But still.
8:41 PM Melissa: although I do love that commercial
8:42 PM Elizabeth: (off the record, someone just posted a total smackdown on child lit to the anti jkr ers)
Every week, another model has to go.
8:43 PM Melissa: dude the commercial breaks seem longer each week
Elizabeth: am i the only one having highlander flashbacks?
there can be only one?
Elizabeth: models with swords?
me: I swear Ambrose Bierce wrote a story about Fatima getting her travel docs and then getting eliminated right before travel...
8:44 PM Elizabeth: canada please let it be canada please please please
me: YES TYRA, WE WONDER
me: NOOOO HOW COME THEY GET TO MEET JENSEN AND WE DON'T!
Melissa: And they're all tall enough, they don't have to stand on teh SPN Makeout Box!!!
8:45 PM me: Issa, I was just about to say, "Because they reach the 'You must be this tall to guest on SPN' line."
Melissa: Yay, Kat!
Elizabeth: long long legs
8:46 PM me: She got legs enough for all three of us.
Melissa: yeah. I'm bitter
Elizabeth: bad hair
me: "booty touche?"
Elizabeth: um, technical model term?
Melissa: gah, don't like Dom
me: Dom, boring, meh.
Wait, why is that not a feature shot o Stacey Ann?
8:47 PM Melissa: gah, that sucks she couldn't get a solo shot really
me: It does.
Melissa: second time this ep she got called Miss America
8:48 PM me: That means she's goin' DOWN.
me: The P word is the kiss of death on this show.
Elizabeth: so many bottom peeps
Melissa: so Whitney and Fatima in the bottom?
Elizabeth: fatima has to be in the bottom
me: Oh, that is the coolest picture of Anya
Melissa: it is!
8:49 PM me: If they send Whitney home over Fatima, I will throw something.
Elizabeth: it sucks for the others if fatima's no photo is better than whitneys foto
me: Probably a tissue, because I don't want to break anything.
Elizabeth: that is just wrong
Melissa: Fatima has no picture!
the only time I've seen someone not do the photo shoot, they got sent home
8:50 PM me: Issa, ANTM has a 50% track record for that.
Elizabeth: if they don't send her home, its playing favoritese based on backstory
me: because in cycle 1 they did nudes for the final 4, and one of the girls who didn't do a pic got to stay.
Melissa: well, and we've never see them do favorites.
Elizabeth: carlie knows everything
Melissa: :cough: Saleisha! :cough:
me: Saleisha. Worst winner EVER.
8:51 PM Melissa: just bad bad bad
me: Zed, sometimes I am holding the brain.
8:52 PM And we're back!
Elizabeth: hhhmm...it is back
me: : howls at their critique of Dominique
Melissa: oh, thank you, Paulina!
8:53 PM Elizabeth: they believe in lauren, yay
go home stacy ann
me: told you so
Melissa: gah, Stacy Ann
me: Thank you, Paulina. Stacey Ann is lame.
8:54 PM Oh, this is what I talked about, with the girl and the nude shoot in C1
wait, now her pit picture is "stunning?"
They're totally setting her up to stay.
8:55 PM Melissa: they are. damn it
me: Anya first, no surprise.
Melissa: yay, Anya!
me: Yay, Lauren!
LOL, half a thumb
Elizabeth: notice how fatima has her pocket book she doesnt want to lose her paper again
8:56 PM Melissa: yick, Dom
me: Katarzyna HAS PERSONALITY, TyTy.
Elizabeth: yaya whitney
Melissa: yay, Whit!
me: Stacey Ann is totally going home.
Melissa: woo-hoo, so it's Stacy Ann and Fatima!
Elizabeth: music drama.....
me: Fatima's lack of picture is better than Stacey Ann's picture.
8:57 PM Melissa: trufax, Carlie
Elizabeth: where did fatima leave her papers again
me: Liz, in Atlanta.
Oh, lecture from Mama Tyra
and finally, Stacey Ann goes home.
8:58 PM Melissa: is it sad that I'm woo-hooing over Stacy Ann?
me: No. Because I am too.
Elizabeth: yay yay aya
and go to....
me: I mean, she seemed nice enough, but not a model the way the others are.
8:59 PM Elizabeth: ha!!!
but where to ?
me: Rome! Nice!
Melissa: yay, Rome!
Elizabeth: that is the one in wisconsin, right?
me: That's surprising, because they're repeating a country. They went to Milan in Cycle 2.
Melissa: no, the one in Georgia
9:00 PM me: Oh yes, Cover Girl commercial next week!
9:01 PM me: So, off the ANTM topic, I'm on page 189 of Paper Towns.
9:02 PM Melissa: lucky bitch
9:04 PM me: No, lucky bitch is my cat, who is asleep on the heater.
with all of her cow spots showing
I had to send my kitty away 'cause she wanted my Chinese
9:05 PM me: Henry was walking around on the table when I had my chicken out
But I suppose he IS Jewish
9:07 PM Elizabeth: back
9:08 PM So. That's us, posting for Pop. I will copy and paste into Bloggermort.
9:09 PM Melissa: yay!
me: anything anyone wants to add?
Melissa: ummm . . the CW should have shown SPN commericals?
me: And nothing else.
Just 5 minutes of Jensen and Jared
9:13 PM Elizabeth: no disagreement
9:14 PM me: Ok. Over and out.
Labels: America's Next Top Model, reality TV